Crisis = Opportunity

Ruby: What are you writing in your journal?
Me: Nothing good. It hasn't been good for a while. This whole trip I've hardly felt any deep, spirit wrenching words or ideas that inspire me to write anything out of them. I have been inspired but I'm not able to write. Right now I'm just writing my journal an update as to what I'm doing so I don't forget.
Ruby: Okay, just writing down what you're doing so you don't drink too much champagne you forget it all.
Me: Writing down what I'm doing so I don't forget why I'm here on this planet.
Ruby: Oh I already forgot that a long time ago.
Me: Good for you for having something to forget in the first place.

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Does anyone ever know what they're doing on this planet? There are definitely people who think they know what their doing. There are people who make you feel like you know what you're doing. Overtime I'll look back on things I've done in the past and think, I've never really known what I'm doing. I don't know how things are going turn out. Even doing things over and over again can result in things I never could have planned for. 

When things do turn out unexpectedly or wrong there is always some way through it. A wise, witty, intelligent, funny, and awe inspiring man once told me that, In China, the symbol for crisis is the same as the symbol for opportunity. It is true for any crisis and other forms of bad situations. It is true on grand scales and in each individual mind. 

As humans we can plan and think forward centuries. We can take what we've learned and what we know and build things that are better than what we've built before. We can be told what to do and tell others what to do, but is there a way to tell what you're doing in this world and why you're doing? You may come to the conclusion that, in the grandest scheme of things you are only a spec, with little to no meaning. You may think "there is no point what in what I do because it doesn't make a difference." Or, you can distance yourself from doubt and fear. You can believe in the things you wish for, and most importantly believe yourself. You can make everything you do, and everything around you an improvement of yourself. Make everything a dance. Then, It won't matter what you do, whether you know what you're doing or don't have the slightest idea. It will matter how you do it; whether with joy and fulfillment or regret and anger. Whether you let a crisis bring you down, or turn it into a possibility in whatever form it comes in. Make a choice to win, no matter what. 

The First Bite

It was my first night in Naples last night, and after a warm welcome with a glass of sangria wine and introductions to everyone at Hostel Mancini, Ruby and I made a delicious pot of indian spiced vegetables and grains which was the perfect taste to fill myself up with after driving all day. I got into a couple conversations with this woman named Aly who stayed here last night. She was telling me that her friend was looking at rent prices for apartments here in Naples. It's a good idea if you're traveling and happen upon a place that reels in your heart and mind. I was glad we got into the conversation because I found out that a one bedroom flat costs 300 a month! That is only contributing to the reasons why I will return.

Apparently Naples is the oldest city in Europe, aside from Greece. It used to be a very wealthy city until Rome came into power, and it has never really recovered from a monotone economy. I'm completely sold on the place, it's beautiful. So much inspiration and happiness is hatching in me, and I have Naples to thank. My mind has been expanded by Naples and everyone I have had the pleasure of meeting here. 

Pizza certainly proved to have been born in Naples when I took the first bite of a saucy pizza with mozzarella, tomatoes, and fresh arugula on top. For the entirety of our over enjoyed lunch, my family had been thinking that we all just ate at a famously delicious, and popular pizza place, only to walk out of the hole in the wall restaurant to see a huge line of people blocking the street and all funneling into another pizza place... with the same name as the one we had just eaten at. These are things, and I still had the chance to eat a kick-ass piece of pizza.

Questions and Answers

From an outside point of view, I would see this trip (my family traveling through Europe) as a suburban family going on a road trip through Europe; maybe fighting in the car, having our substantial differences and our moments of happiness as one. But with everyone who does anything, there is so much more than a first impression. There's a front and a back, and so much in between. With things we do as humans, there's always a drive. There is always something fueling our actions. There may be scandal or some stack of secrets. It may be for love, for the one who makes us feel like we've been hit with something undefinable. It may be something that makes us feel the essence of our smile, or makes us feel like a cloud. To everyone's journey and everyone's actions there is something behind the images we see. Some feeling of hope, regret, or sheer wonder. Things that say yes to us in a language that is unique to our understanding and intuition; things that keep us going in whatever direction we are called. 
We answer. 

Contradicting Construction

There's so much construction everywhere I go. In my hometown, in India, in Italy, even in the middle of no where on top of the hills overlooking Tuscany. People are putting in new tunnels and building new bridges. It makes me wonder, where they're trying to get to. Contractors make it easier and easier for people to travel and lead their daily lives. Turning everything they can into something more efficient and simple. When will there come a time when there isn't anything hard. When there isn't anything that is physically or intelligently demanding. I wonder if their will come a time when people have to start making things harder because everything will be so easy and efficient. Is there ever a pint of satisfaction of advancement? Will there ever come a time when everyone looks at what they have and think, this is all I need, I am happy, I am free, and I am as content as I'll ever be. 

A Modern Mind in a Medieval Town

Italy welcomed me with the most beautiful mountains I've laid my eyes on. Snow capped tips bordering Switzerland and France. The weather is beautiful, a simple breeze with the sun peeking through. It's a nice transition from a country where I couldn't even see the sun.  
When I was in India I felt like a visitor, but here, I feel home. The sun is shining as well as my heart. I am so happy I'm here. I am so grateful I can be here and find myself staring at beautiful new things. 
It seems like each place is more beautiful than the last. 
As I was standing on the top of Saint Mary's Cathedral towering over Florence, I could see the city wall bordering what used to be the extent of this medieval town. Little towns, like Montemerano Tuscany, where I am staying now, don't necessarily make me feel big or important, but they make me feel comfortable. I don't like big cities, but I don't like shacks in the middle of farm countries either. Small towns I can handle, they make me feel like there's just enough to do, but not too much that I can't do everything. 

Fashion was everywhere in Florence. I'm was in the heart of the city and the streets were lined with shops of jewelry, jackets, shoes, and bags; so many things everywhere. As a typical girl I start seeing things that I think are more good looking than what I already have on, but after walking for a few blocks with a sunken confidence and a desire to buy most things I can see through the windows, I am rejuvenated with the feeling of "who gives a shit?" No one cares what I wear, and neither do I. But nevertheless, the things I do manage to cover myself up with often times don't look so bad in my opinion. Along with the fashion of the city, the architecture was just as beautiful. The stones lay jagged and unorganized with inches of mortar holding them together. Not only holding rocks together, but it held up ancient churches and clock towers that have been standing for centuries. The history of Italy shines through in essence and beauty like sunshine through a hole where a cannon once stood. 

Last night walking home we stopped at a restaurant to get some gnocchi. We sat down outside and started with a bottle of chianti. The gnocchi melted in my mouth (much better than the gnocchi I have made at home). Right across the street from the restaurant there was a big plaza with a bunch of people sitting out for picnics, or to share a bottle of wine. I thought, "It's too bad that California doesn't have places like that, where people of age can spend time over some drinks or having a picnic." Then the justifications come flooding in. There would be some drunk group of hicks with a huge American flag towering over their white lifted truck, who abuse the privilege of relaxation and enjoyment; two characteristics that have been chronically missing from the U.S. since what dates back to its dawning of existence. 

It's almost like I'm still seeing this trip through the eyes of someone else. It's like my view is foggy. Like I can't feel anything related to the moment. Maybe it's because I'm traveling with my parents for the first time. Or I just haven't had any time to myself for a month. But these things come and go. Knowing I feel like this only reassures me that there is a moment of clarity in my near future. And with clarity comes understanding, either of things that I didn't understand before, or a deeper understanding of the things I think I have all figured out. 

Today was a full day of going to the coast, and on the way visiting a big shot country fair by a small town, that was shot down by the weather and the lack of population in the middle of Italy. My dad was having a conversation with the man we're renting our AirBnB from, the topic came up about why our town of 50,000 is considered small against his town of 400. Nestled in the middle of Italy, Montemerano, and other towns surrounding it, were more prone to malaria, making central Tuscany a not so compelling place for most people. So as we drove through the countryside of Italy I got to look out my window and set my camera to an auto enhancement setting, accentuating the unpopulated rolling hills covered in polka-dot olive trees, and all the while adding to my homeschool log sheet "experimental photography." That is what I call effortless multi-tasking. 

After coming back to my family's little apartment, the day proceeded with an hour or so of a soft sprinkle of rain, and my concentration centered on homework. I got up for a break after I finished module 7 of Geometry, picked up my camera, and walked out to the balcony hoping to get a good shot of the clouds parting and the sun shining on the hills. To my gasping surprise, I walked out to a double rainbow brighter than the sun. This was the beginning of my mood turning around, and the fog clearing from my uninspired mind. 

To Live, No Matter What

To do what you have to, to get by without worry and fear.

To break every complexity down to its simplicity. 

To find the essence of everything you do, and never forget it. 

To pursue and persists through the fog of everything that hurts. 

To portray only what is true for you. 

To express your view.

To live, no matter what.